Tattoo artist speaks our against 'murder allegation' made by eighties has-been Kent Alan Ryan

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Owner of a tattoo parlour and post-modern painter, Alex Earnshaw, recently expressed his hatred for 'talent reality shows', specifically American Dreamz's most infamous judge, saying: 'I think someone should shoot Kent Alan Ryan.' In retaliation, Alan commited to an outblast on Twitter with the comeback : 'I read Alex Earnshaw wants to shoot me. He was a punk back in the 70's. Do you realise how weird and stupid that makes you? Go and watch the news.'

Earnshaw, however, told us at Fake Title that Ryan's source for his criticism came from an independently published zine local to the San Franciso area -- a run printed on limited copies, one of which Earnshaw had "wasted" on giving to the eighties pop star in trust that, as a "mate", he would appreciate Earnshaw's reference to Ryan, in a publication where his name is "irrelevant" and "never been offered the same attention as when his mug is slap-dashed on the front of Heat."

As for the extremity of Earnshaw's intent to 'shoot' Ryan, the artist's defence was that he'd "never even held a gun in my life and wouldn't know how to even load the bloody thing". He then made comment that the entire "mess" was a "w**kfest desperate for attention" because Earnshaw had been spending the majority of his free time with his recently proposed fiancee, rather than attending Ryan's "champagne fountain, white-nose pool parties." The provided evidence for this obsession was a photo of Ryan standing in front of a 10 foot high poster of Earnshaw, one that decorated Ryan's home, the installment a copy of the hugely successful 'Let Love Out' album's cover, an industrial-pop project Ryan worked on as producer.

We asked Earnshaw about his inclusion in the project, now that the public had been provided with a name for the previously anonymous chest (now decorating the dorms of every art school student), but he disregarded the discussion. Instead, reverting to Ryan's critcism of firearm irresponsibility leading to gun crime with a point his girlfriend had made when she heard about the altercation. 'She said, "he's just exploiting a serious social cause for the sake of making him look sympathetic, since when has he ever spoken in support of gun control before? Since when has he done anything for anyone else apart from getting paid to fall down some stairs to Drake on Red Nose Day?" Earnshaw then added "it wasn't even him, it was a stunt double. I knew -- he let me in on the set!"

Any other details on the matter of were set aside by Earnshaw, who spent the remainder of the interview fawning over his fiancee.

Dies ist eine satirische Website. Nimm es nicht ernst Es ist ein Witz.

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